Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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