Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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