I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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