The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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