I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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