woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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