I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
