spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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