I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
