So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
