Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
