Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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