A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
