so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
