After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
