Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
