I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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