my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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