he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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