i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
