You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
