well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
