Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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