It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
