I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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