I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
