BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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