how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
