she takes plan B like it's going out of style
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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