So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
