You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
