can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
