apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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