i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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