bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
