Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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