I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
