He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize