Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
my liver is dry heaving
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
