Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
