And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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