It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I am available for nakedness
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize