I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
