How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
