Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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