there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
