im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We are all done wearing pants today
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
