seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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