Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize