my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
