my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
