Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
