I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
