he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
