he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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