i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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