can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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