Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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