I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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