matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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