I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
