He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
