brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
