I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
