girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
