areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize