im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
