I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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