You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
