The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
