If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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