He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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