You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
