Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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