Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize