I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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