It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
