went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Randomize