i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
