I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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