So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize