I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
