So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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