She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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