dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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