apparently the secret to your success is patron
im holly from the hills drunk
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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