I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
