Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
