Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
