she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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