if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
