I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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