waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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