I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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