i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
