Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
