hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
