Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
