Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
