if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
