Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
