When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
