It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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