There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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